Dengar lagu buat aku emo.. Biar la tak paham sepatah haram pun.. Aku maksudkan lagu Whalien 52 dendangan BTS.. Phuh.. dendangan tu takleh blah tu.. Tapi topik hari ni bukan pasal kpop..
Okay.. Let's be deep for once.. Memandangkan aku agak emo ni, marilah sama-sama menyesakkan otak untuk memikirkan sesuatu seperti..
What if one day you lose your ability to express?
Macam kes di atas.. SUARA..
Macam kes aku.. Ability to draw..
Bila aku cakap 'ability to draw' maksud aku kebolehan untuk merealisasikan idea ke sekeping kertas ataupun kat monitor lelz whatever
To be honest, I want to give up drawing. Because no matter how hard I try, I could never materialize the idea I had in my mind. Every time I think of an idea, I would plan the execution meticulously.. But when the time comes for me to transfer it onto the paper, it would never come out the way I see it in my head. For years I've been tortured by my own inability to express myself. Not through drawing, writing or even viva voce phuh.. nak cakap verbally je padahal, viva voce bagai..
I'm so frustrated by it that I would avoid drawing altogether.. It's not about being able to draw nicely.. It's not about the technique. It's not about how precise the anatomy is.. It's about the idea.
Why can't I show you the exact thing I saw in my mind?
Macam cerita kat atas.. Aku nampak benda tu dalam kepala aku lain. I tried to stay true to my initial idea but my hands won't agree with me. My fingers defied me.
It's still in my head, the imagery.. It's so vivid that it's almost mocking me for my incompetency.
Do you know the loneliest place one can be? It's the head.. The head is the loneliest place to be.. Nobody could hear you.. Nobody could see it the way you do.. Yet it's so loud, it's deafening.