Breaking Point

Thursday, May 28, 2015

I hate advertising my work life. Everyone has their daily chores so really, I don't have the right to rant.

Makin tak boleh cakap la makin aku nak cakap kan. To be honest aku tak plan nak jadi engineer selamanya. Pressure kerja, gender inequality, safety risk.. Too many things on my mind. I'm lucky to be part of a very good company. My company invest a lot in their people. I think most company do.Trainings and what not. Ko nak tau pasal apa, planning? Contract? Technical drawing? You name it. They'll send you to any training you want. They'll plan your work around your trainings for you. They sponsor your need to gain the necessary knowledge. They even keep track on how good you are after those trainings. They mentor you on one-on-one basis. Like what parents do. Heck, mak ayah aku lagi tak kesah dari diorang. That's how supportive they are. And I am very thankful for it.

Tapi sebab diorang sangat supportive la aku rasa macam bersalah gila bila pikir yang aku taknak jadi jurutera dah. Buat apa invest banyak-banyak kalau ko confirm taknak buat benda-benda tu? Penat-penat company nurture ko achieve your full potential tiba-tiba ko nak tutup kedai dengan alasan ko tak simply taknak. Why waste the money then?

Why is it that people could see me doing this for another three years but all I can think about is to pull the plug out, live as a slob instead. It's not a sin to hate your job. It's not hypocrisy to hate your job but at the same deliver pretty much everything spelled in your JD. But why is it that I feel like I'm doing this for someone else, not for me. For the company. For the family. For me?? No?

Why do I even hate doing this?
Why do I want to stop?
Do I really want to stop?
What is it that I want?
What do I really want?

For now?

I want to fuck off.


20 comments:

  1. Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life - Confucius

    Itu konpisius yang kata but to me, suka atau tak kena jugak kerja. hanya org2 terbertuah je yg dpt kerja yg kena dgn hidup dan naluri mereka. Lu ada talent melukis so maybe lu blh jd illustrator or something, hehehe :D

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    1. Illustrator? Aku sangat tak yakin aku dah sampai level orang nak bayar utk aku buat illustration. Plus, aku ada masalah malas yang kronik. Freelancing is very risky for someone undisciplined like me.

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  2. salam. hee take care and goodluck ., ;p

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  3. Apa-apa keputusan kau kelak, make sure kau buat keputusan atas dasar diri sendiri, bukan sebab orang lain.
    Sebab andai keputusan kau tu bawa kebaikan, maka kredit adalah kau punya sepenuhnya.
    Andai keputusan kau itu bawa keburukan, you have no one to blame.

    Tapi apa pun keputusan kau, aku support kau.
    Kalau nak bahu pun aku boleh bagi.

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    Replies
    1. bahu aku pun ada jugak...kalau join venture ngan cEro, besar lagi space bahu2 untuk ko.. ^^

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    2. Dilema paling besar sekarang ni adalah nak sambung belajar ke tak. Company aku offer sambung belajar part time. They really insist on it. Aku nak tolak macam takut ada implication kat increment aku tahun ni. Plus, bond aku dah nak habis. Kalau amik offer belajar tu, confirm lagi 3 tahun duk company ni.

      I can't say that I hate my job that much because sometimes it's fun. Tapi rasa macam tercicir something. Haaa.. Dilema tak habis..

      Pasal bahu, takpe, aku cuba menangis di bahu sendiri (bayangkan)

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  4. Maybe you just need a not-so-short break from it all? Why not discuss with your bos, apply cuti pastu pi travel ke pulau mana2, stay kat resort situ for a few days to clear your mind? Maybe that will help, no? :3

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    1. Aku sangat setuju yg ni. For three years I'm working for this company never have I fully utilized my annual leave. Semua sebab macam dah norm dalam company ni utk tak habiskan cuti. Kadang paranoid nak amik cuti takut keje tak jalan. Gahh.. I'm creating excuse to make myself feel more miserable aren't I? Macam mana aku nak bagi boss aku paham dilema penuh ranjau ini?

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    2. utilize your annual leave Day... do it. do it because you have the right to do so. jom pi lepak osaka, nak? hahahah ;3

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    3. hamboih....hajak pi osaka terus...untungla org keje berduit... *lari laju2 sambil menangis.*

      Psssttt2, kalau ada duit lebih, sponsorla aku sekali..sementr aku punye passport blum expired lg neyh..hahaha..XP

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  5. Don't give up cari jawapan to those questions! Once dah clear nothing can stop u. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sometime the answer is right in front of you. The real challenge is how to persevere.

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  6. Don't give up cari jawapan to those questions! Once dah clear nothing can stop u. :)

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  7. Masa aku memula kerja, tahun ketiga aku dah rasa nak givap... tapi sebab mak aku suruh bertahan bertahan bertahan, sampai sekarang aku kerja lagi. Dan tak lama lagi, mungkin cara kerja aku akan berubah...

    tapi aku selalu berharap aku bolh bekerja buat benda yang aku suka... masalahnya, aku tak tau aku suka apa... wkwkwkw...

    ok, takde kena mengena... hue hue hue

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    Replies
    1. Bro, I feel you on a spiritual level. Aku rasa keje yang paling best adalah tak buat keje tapi dapat duit bulan bulan. Hahahaha. Syok

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    2. ohohho... there's a way to accomplish something like that... get married, get preggy, pastu beranak... then dapat la cuti bergaji penuh selama 3 bulan straight. tak buat keje tapi dapat duit bulan bulan, selama 3 bulan. abis cuti tu, sambung keje balik. nak merasa duit free lagi, just repeat the process... dapat lagi merasa tak buat keje tapi duit masuk bulan bulan, no worries, beban keje kau orang lain yg kena paksa-rela tanggung oleh boss tersayang... keskes (sorry, i don't mean to criticize anyone, just stating some facts, do not deny this) ;3

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  8. Aku belum ada pengalaman kerja lagi, Day so I'm not in the right place to say anything about it....huhuhuhu.. tapi macam kata Zyra, bukan ramai dapat keje dlm bidang yg dorang suka.. Life must go on, you gotta fill up your stomach..huhuhu..

    I hope you eventually get to figure out things for yourself and ingat, apa2 pun keputusan yang ko buat, don't ever regret it or let it be something you will regret in future.. And anything, aku ada jek kat sini, tertunggu2 entry ko..eheee..

    Or all you need is actually just a short getaway...? hmmmm, but I assume it's quite close to impossible for an engineer to have that? even just as short as one day leave? *shrug.* I don't know.. Mungkin kita semua boleh lepak2 ramai2 and have fun, ignore our boring routine for a while.. I would want and love that to happen.. ^^

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    Replies
    1. I love the idea of meeting up with you guys. I'm a bit antisocial if I may say so. But the idea itself is very interesting. Terutamanya sebab korang tak pernah share gambar korang so macam misteri gila. Aku rasa macam aku berkawan ngan watak anime. Bahaha.

      Thank you for the support.You guys are jjang!

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    2. Ahahahaha....mesti ko konfius kitorg wujud ke x, kan? Xmola share gambar, nanti kang ada terjatuh hati tanga semua...haaaa..payah kannn..haha..


      Yuuusssshh...! Let's meet up, let's meet up..!! >v</

      Eheeee..no sweat, Day.. ^^d

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Hang tau dak hang boleh post gambaq kat sini?
Haa.. Cakap utagha pulak..

Day,


Part time normal, most of the time comic enthusiast. Almost always borderline crazy. Still experimenting with comic blogging. An engineer with a vision to not be taken seriously. Everything you read on this blog doesn't represent my gender, religion or profession as a whole. Other name you might associate with me are Deaday, DayGoon, JaeminGoon and *cough* Mona *cough*