I hate advertising my work life. Everyone has their daily chores so really, I don't have the right to rant.
Makin tak boleh cakap la makin aku nak cakap kan. To be honest aku tak plan nak jadi engineer selamanya. Pressure kerja, gender inequality, safety risk.. Too many things on my mind. I'm lucky to be part of a very good company. My company invest a lot in their people. I think most company do.Trainings and what not. Ko nak tau pasal apa, planning? Contract? Technical drawing? You name it. They'll send you to any training you want. They'll plan your work around your trainings for you. They sponsor your need to gain the necessary knowledge. They even keep track on how good you are after those trainings. They mentor you on one-on-one basis. Like what parents do. Heck, mak ayah aku lagi tak kesah dari diorang. That's how supportive they are. And I am very thankful for it.
Tapi sebab diorang sangat supportive la aku rasa macam bersalah gila bila pikir yang aku taknak jadi jurutera dah. Buat apa invest banyak-banyak kalau ko confirm taknak buat benda-benda tu? Penat-penat company nurture ko achieve your full potential tiba-tiba ko nak tutup kedai dengan alasan ko tak simply taknak. Why waste the money then?
Why is it that people could see me doing this for another three years but all I can think about is to pull the plug out, live as a slob instead. It's not a sin to hate your job. It's not hypocrisy to hate your job but at the same deliver pretty much everything spelled in your JD. But why is it that I feel like I'm doing this for someone else, not for me. For the company. For the family. For me?? No?
Why do I even hate doing this?
Why do I want to stop?
Do I really want to stop?
What is it that I want?
What do I really want?
I want to fuck off.