Blocking You

This entry is intended to one person only and I'm writing this on my laptop, waiting for my PC to get fixed before I can do my work. In other words, yep, I'm at work and writing a blog entry.

First and foremost, it was never my intention to get angry at you or anyone around you. But somehow I feel suffocated that you are still lingering around.

I think it was a year or two years ago when you asked to get to know me which I decline by not entertaining your friend request. Only after my mom said you're a nice guy and you just wanted to be friend that I approved your friend request. It took me a lot of courage and time to actually consider anything more than friendship and it's not because of you or anything monetary. It's my own demon. I just had difficulties letting people into my life.

And when I finally did let you in, you said "I'm sorry, you are not the person I thought you to be. I thought that you're like your mom. Soft spoken and you-know, lady like. I told you that we shouldn't have set a meet up. My dad said if I have to choose, choose a beautiful bride." What was that supposed to mean? But it's OK. I was hurt at the time but I accepted your honesty. Sure, I agree that I'm nothing like my mom. I'm my dad's girl. I'm the son of the family. So it's okay, I didn't blame you for that.

We stayed as friend. But let me define our friendship. I won't remove you from my facebook. I won't jeer at you. But I won't reply any of your message be it through Facebook or Whatsapp. It's a good thing that you've lost my phone number so I don't have to worry about that. I would encourage you not to like my status. I definitely discourage you from trying to pry through other social media means e.g Instagram. Call me a sore loser or anything, but it really annoys me when you think that you still have the right to follow up on my personal life. It really ticks me off. If you want to stalk, by all means, do it covertly like all the other creep. You don't have to make me see a notification of you liking my photos. It doesn't make me feel good, on the contrary, I feel awful about myself.

I feel like you checking up on me just to make sure that I am still inadequate. "Yep. She's still a loser"

Please, just stay invisible. I'm avoiding you. I'm forgetting you. Just stop torturing me. I might look like I'm okay but I really am not.

I don't need your attention.

I don't need your friendship.