Recovering

Just because you have suffered before doesn't mean you can undermine others' suffering. Why do you concern yourself so much about other people when they clearly don't need you? Who makes you the center of universe? Stop giving yourself so much credit. Life moves on even without you. Probably moves even better without your criticism. 

People hurt.

People get hurt.

That's their building block, the thing that shape them into the person they are now.

That's what makes us so different.

The way we perceive things.

The way we react to things.

Your definition of happiness does not apply to everyone.

Why do you think your definition of sadness does?

Emotional stress is not measured in numbers.. It's unique to everyone. Give them space to cope with their struggle. You're definitely not helping them by crying "I can help you, why are you rejecting me?"

They push you away because you are an entitled piece of shit.

Let them recover.

Let me recover.

If I need you, I'll reach out to you. Only then it's your choice whether or not to extend your hand. Why are you feeling sorry for me? I achieved so much in life. What I feel, what I choose to tell  you don't form a complete story of who I truly am.

In other words..

Fuck off

I Really Hate You

I come to realize that I hate everyone that has my personality.

My know-it-all pretense to mask my ignorance on how to become a functional human being.
My obsession with looking fine and fitting into society because deep down I never belong anywhere.
My judgmental view on everything that stemmed from my need for validation. What I wear. What I buy. What I talk about. Validate me. Tell me I'm great. Tell me I'm the best because the lie I tell myself is not sufficient.

So no! I wasn't talking about you. Unfortunately, I was talking about me. It's a form of self-loathe. Maybe you haven't heard of that before because you're so in love with who you are or who you led people to think you are.

Oh fuck. I did it again. I do that. I am the one who's so in love with idea of me. I am the own who pretend to be everything. Who the fuck am I in this world? Do I love myself? Do I hate myself? Make up your mind, god damn it.

Why am I acting this way? I don't want you to form an opinion about me. Because I know.. I know I'm flawed. I hate myself for being flawed. Oh God I hate this dark cloud in my head. Am I sick? Give me something to treat it.. Or a poison to kill it.

Some days I feel like stabbing my thigh just to get out of this numb shell..