Wedding After-effect

Thursday, November 07, 2019



Marriage..

I used to think that marriage is a destination I want to come to one day. Years passed, I'm getting more and more afraid of marriage. I've met quite a few slew of men. Some are downright revolting but most are good guys, genuine friend material.

But the only guys who approach me for marriage are the guy in the first category. Guys who were engaged, guys who were married, those kinda guys. The decent ones are content with being friends which I'm totally okay with. So yes, I am afraid of marriage and the guys who approach me with marriage in mind. I truly believe that I'm not one to marry. I'm scared of guys. I'm scared of emotionally investing in one.

Lately I've been receiving a lot of question regarding my marriage status. When are you getting married? Are you being too choosy with guys? Do you have anyone in mind?

The truth is, I'm scared shitless. I'm scared of getting married but I'm also scared of not getting married. It feels like a norm to plan my life towards marriage so I do feel anxious when I find myself hating the idea of it. I have a strong feeling towards someone but even that doesn't materialize into a desire to get married. I want to be loved. I don't want to be tied down though. The whole structure of marriage feels like a disaster waiting to happen.

I am getting old. I don't think even think I'm that desirable to guys anyway. And the thought of having a child is a nightmare to me. I'm not a prime specimen of human being. I'm not sure I want to pass down my gene to the next generation. What if I'm a shitty parent in the making? What if I'm not good enough to be one? Worse, what if I'm not capable of being one?

Yes, the imagination of having a perfect relationship does reel me in sometimes. Having someone to caress you, to touch and to feel is nice. But the price to having one is something I'm not ready to pay. Maybe what I'm truly afraid of is a failed marriage. And avoiding getting married is my way of not having a failed marriage.

Adieu

11 comments:

  1. in game ada lost & win.. either kita kalah atau menang.. just let it be. Do for luv and luv to do it. kawin jer and let it be. pikir akn jd baik2 sudaaa...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. For female, there are a lot at stake when we got married. We lose a lot more than guys when we got married. It's an unfair trade. But i get what you mean. Fikir yang baik2 is the way to go forward.

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    2. Why women should lose a lot more than guys when got married? Berkorban dalam perhubungan benda normal. Lelaki dan perempuan dua2 kena. Kena ada balance. Kena cari pasangan yang membuatkan kita makin ke depan, bukan pasangan yg buatkan kita rasa tak jadi diri sendiri, then takde lah rasa 'lose a lot' bila kahwin. Boleh follow Mathew Hussey cara nak cari lelaki yang betul.. huhu...

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    3. Hmm..Macam mana ak explain eh..
      The typical asian marriage would require the woman to sacrifice her career, her ambition and even her body for a successful family. Women often get blamed for wanting to pursue her career over family. The same thing doesn't apply to men where they are respected for doing so. I've met many women who sacrifice their career for family; even then they were berated at work for not being "professional".
      I agree, choosing the correct man would solve most of the problem with marriage but society as a whole doesn't allow for such compromise.

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    4. About sacrificing a woman's body for family.. Not all woman wants to get pregnant due to fear of pain and bodily change. But most of the time, she doesn't have a say about that matter. Pregnancy is a traumatic experience. But society treat it like its a must and if a woman doesn't go through it, she will get berated. The same thing cannot be said about men. Yes, a man has different set of difficulties in married life but not the kind of difficulty that would require him to stretch his body to grow a human being and having to push out that said human being into the world.

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    5. Babe, I totally, totally get your point regarding women having to lose more after marriage. Why? Because I'm the same gender as you, a female. Dudes upstairs won't understand this, because they're dudes :)

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  2. Day,

    Aku tak mampu nak bagi nasihat atau sebarang pandangan atas kerisauan ko ni, aku cuma mampu berdoa semoga ko sentiasa dimurahkan rezeki, diberikan kesejahteraan dan dipermudahkan segala urusan dunia akhirat.

    Kalau ko ditakdirkan berkahwin suatu hari nanti, aku doakan ko dijodohkan dengan lelaki yang baik2, yang dapat memahami dan menerima ko seadanya.

    Amin.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you boss.
      Aku pun harap benda yang sama.

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  3. perasaan tu normal. aku dulu pun rasa gitu. tapi sedar-sedar dah 9 tahun kahwin. alhamdulillah bahagia walau badai-ribut-taufan-gelora segala tu semua ada.. hahahahaa.. :p

    dia macam ni, bila kau jumpa orangnya.. maka, dia lah orangnya yang akan menjawab segala persoalan dan kerisauan tu.. :)

    ...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. alhamdulillah, aku doakan kelangsungan perkahwinan korang.
      Betul jugak tu sebenarnya, selagi tak jumpa orang yang betul mana nak tau boleh survive alam perkahwinan ke tak.. Semoga ada la seketul manusia macam tu untuk aku. amin..

      Delete

The way you comment is so telling...

Day,


Part time normal, most of the time comic enthusiast. Almost always borderline crazy. Still experimenting with comic blogging. An engineer with a vision to not be taken seriously. Everything you read on this blog doesn't represent my gender, religion or profession as a whole. Other name you might associate with me are Deaday, DayGoon, JaeminGoon and *cough* Mona *cough*