Just a lot of feelings..
Like tonnes of them.
Bila ntah aku nak melukis lagi...Hidden 11.02.2015I failed to kill it today. I thought I kept it in check. Shove it back there somewhere. Building layers and layers of wall around it. You can't get out. You can never leak out. I don't need you now. Just stay in there. Because I can never kill you. So please, can't you just sleep peacefully in the dark?I saw your face the other day. It was so random. How was it that your picture just find its way to my domain? How was it that my heart still skips a beat whenever I see you? How is it? After all these years..Last night I dream of you, handing me your wedding invitation. I swear I've been dreaming this for the fifth time now and it never fails to break my heart to pieces. Well, whatever left of it anyway. How are you these days? I'm curious..Stalking commence..What is this? Your dad passed away? I'm sorry it pains me. I'm sorry that I act like I still have the right to feel this way. I miss having to love the people you love. Having to exist in your universe. But I'm no longer there, am I?Those hairline cracks on the wall start to chip. The holes are getting bigger. At first it trickles down shyly. And suddenly it just burst out, blasting the wall I've been so desperately strengthening. You are with someone new aren't you? She's the one, isn't she?Why am I so selfish? How did I manage to turn this into me-me-me?Please. This is painful. Kill me please. Kill me now.Feelings are pathetic. Stay in there, you pathetic thing. I don't need to feel. I'm okay. Stop it with this nonsense. Grow a pair and live your life. You're not dying, you childish piece of shit.***
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