Random Diary Post

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

I went through my old diary post dated back in February 2015. So maybe not that old. But it feels like a century ago. I'm sharing this here because I no longer feel as bad as I was when I wrote it. Plus, my writing was much better then than it is now. So, bawl, I guess?

No comic.

Just a lot of feelings..

Like tonnes of them.
 ***
Hidden 11.02.2015
I failed to kill it today. I thought I kept it in check. Shove it back there somewhere. Building layers and layers of wall around it. You can't get out. You can never leak out. I don't need you now. Just stay in there. Because I can never kill you. So please, can't you just sleep peacefully in the dark?

I saw your face the other day. It was so random. How was it that your picture just find its way to my domain? How was it that my heart still skips a beat whenever I see you? How is it? After all these years..

Last night I dream of you, handing me your wedding invitation. I swear I've been dreaming this for the fifth time now and it never fails to break my heart to pieces. Well, whatever left of it anyway. How are you these days? I'm curious..

Stalking commence..

What is this? Your dad passed away? I'm sorry it pains me. I'm sorry that I act like I still have the right to feel this way. I miss having to love the people you love. Having to exist in your universe. But I'm no longer there, am I?

Those hairline cracks on the wall start to chip. The holes are getting bigger. At first it trickles down shyly. And suddenly it just burst out, blasting the wall I've been so desperately strengthening. You are with someone new aren't you? She's the one, isn't she?

Why am I so selfish? How did I manage to turn this into me-me-me?

Please. This is painful. Kill me please. Kill me now.

Feelings are pathetic. Stay in there, you pathetic thing. I don't need to feel. I'm okay. Stop it with this nonsense. Grow a pair and live your life. You're not dying, you childish piece of shit.
***
Bila ntah aku nak melukis lagi...

Adieu
Terima kasih kerana sudi singgah dan membaca entry ini. Silakanlah merapu di ruang komentari bersama saya. Yeaha~

8 comments:

  1. Buhuhu Shakespeare pun nangis tersedu kalau baca ni.

    You are getting stronger girl!

    ReplyDelete
  2. everything will heal by time. and the result you've become who you're today. wiser and stronger :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Everything happens for a reason, and there's definitely something better in store for you, cuz God knows you deserve better ;3

    Aku takde diary, just bits and pieces of old memories stored in my brain cells.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Aku pun terbaca hasil tulisan sendiri satu hari tu dan rasa macam WTF apa yang aku tulis ni?
    Masa mematangkan, maybe?

    ReplyDelete
  5. I've felt this once or twice, I dunno.. Maybe not as close but I can say I feel you, bud..

    Time heals, trust me.. Cuma cepat dan lambat jek..

    ReplyDelete

The way you comment is so telling...

Day,


Part time normal, most of the time comic enthusiast. Almost always borderline crazy. Still experimenting with comic blogging. An engineer with a vision to not be taken seriously. Everything you read on this blog doesn't represent my gender, religion or profession as a whole. Other name you might associate with me are Deaday, DayGoon, JaeminGoon and *cough* Mona *cough*